A Tribute to the 5th Semester

they say what's past is past...they say you must move on...
they say you must keep fighting...but at times...one has
to stop n think about where he's going....or rather where
his life is taking him.

haunted by the past,
taunted by the present, and
daunted by the future, i find myself overwhelmed by the
cacophony of thoughts n memories infuriating my conscience.

what went wrong?? is not the question i ask myself...all i
seek is what could have i done to make it better??

the 5th sem...as i find it now...was full of atrocities as
well as pleasant surprises...there were times of ecstasy
n times of grief, times of ebullience n times of enervation.

it started with the usual surge of fervor, the i'm-gonna-rock
attitude, but as they say, the faster it grows, the sooner it
plunges. the abatement was inevitable. soon, i found myself
back on the same struggling self, trying to maintain a balance,
a balance between the wants and the availablities, the wishes
and the duties, the dreams and the realities. and as i see it
now...i could have done better.

beset by the everlasting conflicts between the "Id" and the
"Super-Ego", my vacillating self could not fulfill my pursuit
of tranquility. and as if this was not enough. as they say,
people come n go in your journey of life, but some leave
enduring marks on ur character that get engraved on your
gravestone. but the irony is, they do so when u most need 'em.

being an odd semester, it brought with it the most happening
days of my life - antaragni 07. what a festival!! as if granting
a "happy ending" to my debilitating hopes.

and as said by einstein, time seems to move faster when u
r most occupied. four months went by, and i'm on the brink
of a break-through. these hours of introspection are not only
palliative, but seem to promise a complete makeover as i keep
rediscovering myself.

court marshal

P.S. "myself" is not audible to "prof"....phew!!! ;)

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Tuesday......6th November

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having read that a prof wanted to meet me regarding a course in the next semester.....I was

moving towards his office with all the confidence in the world. "Oh....I can convince him in no time!!!" said "myself" to "me".

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[knock...knock]
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[no response]
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[knock...knock]
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the door started moving back.....n i could see three heads staring at me as if i'm from some other planet
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turning to the right i saw my destiny.........thick spects [that sucked]...working on his computer but suddenly disturbed by my unexpected invasion into his territory.
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me (with a smile) : "Sir, if you are busy i can come later".
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i was ready to hear "ok...u come at...bla..bla..bla.."
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but!!
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prof : "Listen....i won't allow you in my course next semester"
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myself : "What the hell!!!....he...he hasn't even asked my name!! Oh, am I that famous!! ;) "
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prof (continuing his speech): "You've attended only 7 out of 32 lectures of this course, I won't let you in."
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myself (amazed): "how does he know??? ......does this mean that i've waisted 7 hrs of my life on that subject???....shame on me!!!"
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me (still smiling ): "ok sir :)"
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i closed the door slowly n turned my face back.....n look at that!! a whole bunch of PhDs staring at me like anything
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i don't remember my journey back to the hostel....all i was thinking was how to handle this.
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but then suddenly i could hear the dialogue from the movie "guru" that said "'na' shabd sunayi nahi deta humain"
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i came back to my room n wrote an email to him saying that i didn't discuss with him at that time because i didn't wanted to disturb him [actually i had nothing to say at that time ;) ]
n thought of going ahead with some "claims" n "promises" to placate this <@#%$&%> prof
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the result.....he asked me to come to his office again :)
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back to the same stage this time i was moving with even greater confidence
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but this man was difficult to handle
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as i sat down face to face with him i found myself in a situation of "court marshal"
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imagine u don't even remember when was the last time u attended a lecture (that's not too hard to imagine by the way!!).....n suddenly one day u'r sitting in front of a prof who asks you...
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prof: "So why don't u attend the lectures??"
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"myself", who normally never stops speaking in my mind was silent for the first time!!
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i literally felt like running away....far away from him [or rather from myself]
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me: "Sir, aahhhmm....actually....aa...hhmm....its a thing of routine...."
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i bet "routine" was a wrong word to use at this place!!
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by this time the loquacious "myself" was back on track!!
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myself: "Lectures!!.... u call them lectures!!....hell with them!!....that imperturbable creature never cares who is listening in the class!! its not worth waisting my sleep for that monotonous thing u called lecture.....n that too at 8 am in the morning!!.....even my girlfriend can't wake me up at 8.....who are u to ask for that golden period of my life!!"
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prof : "routine!!...can u tell me what do u do at 8 am everyday??"
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this time i really really wanted to fly away...
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me: "Sir, i'm usually sleeping at 8 am"
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then started a whole bunch of what i would call as blasphemy.
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he didn't leave nething....it seems he was fed up from years n this avalanche in him was waiting for somebody to come underneath it.
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from classy preachings about "work ethics" to cheap scoldings like "i think u'r not getting ne other course...so u'r behind me to take u"....he simply spoke up everything one would never want to hear
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n me.....poor me....
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"myself" was ready to explode like a nuclear bomb....but it was time to let the guy speak....
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prof: "i'm gonna conduct surprise quizes in the next sem....so people like u will have to pay..."
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me (nodding): "ok sir"
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myself: "now he's coming to the line ;)"
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prof: "...n i'll deduct 1 mark for each absence"
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me: "sir, u deduct 1 from everyone....n 2 from me...i'f i'm absent"
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myself: "what!!...what are u saying!!...have u gone mad!!"
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i seriously think it was an overstatement
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n i promised him to attend all the rest of the classes of the present course....again a big mistake!!
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prof: "ok i'll accept u"
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me (obviously smiling): "thank u sir"
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the words "'na' shabd sunayi nahi deta humain"...echoed all over my mind n by the time i reached my room, i was accepted :)
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by the way...i have 2 quizes tomorrow...so no more typing :)

My first blog

i can't beleive i'm doing this. after all, its me....cpsingh....who always ran away from everything that is typed or written...always stayed miles away from books n all kinds of reading materials.
then what is it that makes me trouble my fingers on something like this, that too at 4:00 am in
the morning (its, by all means, night for people like me). well...maintaining the trend of "surprising myself"...i sit here n do the typing thing in place of watching a movie (BTW here's an idea for my further blogs!! (see, i surprise myself again!!)

people say, one must be honest in what he says....lemme be honest in atleast what i type. so...your honor...i...chhavipreet singh...hereby pledge to write truth and only truth n nothing else in all my blogs (if in case i write more than one!!) no matter what. huh!!

enough of that...here's the point.....what is a person like me doing at a place like this?? the fact is...i've just experienced a trauma....yes it was a great deal of pain...oops!!...i swear i won't use the word "pain" in ne further blogs. oh no no....i won't reveal what happened (at least not at this stage ;)...here's a point that creates curiosity for further blogs..isn't it!!). i promised to say only truth...but that does not mean i can't hide nething!!....i have to.

now don't u dare start making guesses!! actually....its just that i was overloaded with thoughts of all kinds....n i had no one to share them with. by the way..i'm an atheist (hey!! one more topic for a blog!! wow!!), so i can't just blame or ask for support from any devine power (i'm being too humble to use these words!!). here's what i do to get rid of all my troubles...i simply spend some time alone....cut off from the world...all with myself ...talking..blaming... appreciating...criticising...evaluating...and finally "rediscovering" myself (hence the title!! wow!! i can already see the writer in me!!)

i think that's all i can type at this time (its 4:25am)...too much for a person like me :)

P.S. : i have a habit to write ":)"....its note fake....its true....no matter how big a trauma i face...i always :)